Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
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I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
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Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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