I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
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