I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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