Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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