I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
