You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
