escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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