do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
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gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
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It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
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