I love black thongs
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
