You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
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