For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
