the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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