Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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