WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
