I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Randomize
