Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Randomize
