He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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