I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
me + whiskey = a bad person
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
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