Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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