I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
