Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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