she kept yelling 'call me bella'
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Randomize
