bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
