last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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