Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
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