I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
