I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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