I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
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Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
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The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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