when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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