blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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