Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
