Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize