I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
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The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
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He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
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