i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
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