oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
