..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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