Well douche your snatch and let's go!
I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Randomize
