Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
