I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Who died my cat blue again?
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
