Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize
