You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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