she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
