literally had 100 drinks last night.
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
everyone is single if you try hard enough
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
