i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
