Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Randomize
