Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
