is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
