stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
