I only kidnapped one of them. chill
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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