then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Randomize
