you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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