someone threw a dead crab at me
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize