Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Well I just put wine in my tea
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
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