I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
