Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
