nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Randomize